The Bangus Ultimatum

Well, I missed the big Chinese New Year parties, but it’s not too late to give a lyric-laden blog tribute to The Year of the Dog (Fire Dog, bay-bee!).

Dirty Dawg

-By New Kids on the Block

You should have treated me right
But you left me lonely and cold at night.
Since you won’t, someone will
Treat me better and be for real.

If you didn’t want it you shoulda let me know
But since you didn’t want it, then girl you got to go.
You left me sad and lonely, and ran away from home
So since I’m not your only, then go and fetch your bone.

Chrous:
Dawg, dirty dawg, dawg, dirty dawg,
Dawg, ooh, you’re a dirty, dirty,
Dawg, dirty dawg, dawg, dirty dawg,
Dawg, oh, you’re sow damn dirty.

I gave you all that I can
Til I caught you swingin’with another man
But this time you strayed too far
Now you come beggin’ like the dog you are.

If you didn’t want it you shoulda let me know
But since you didn’t want it, then girl you got to go.
Don’t think that you can play me, and jerk me all around.
You used to be ma baby, now your ass is in the pound.

Chorus:
Dawg, dirty dawg, dawg, dirty dawg,
Oohh, you’re a drty, dirty,
Dawg, dirty dawg, dawg, dirty dawg
Oh, you’re so damn dirty.

Yo, yo, why you wanna act like a tramp, a wet food stamp,
I think it’s time for me to break camp
Had a crush on my man the first time we met.
Now what you see is what you get
Lost more than a mil on a gambling bet
So here’s the chuckwagon for the dog in you,
Here’s the kennelration and the alpo too

Now you know I didn’t want her
She tried to back me on a corner told her
Blow the horn like little jack horner
Forever forbidden, the fast girls in life
The fast cars they call’em kittens
They’ve been known to amaze
But they can’t pull one over me
I got game for days
Save the sap rap for the handicapped
I’ve been around the block and I didn’t
Fall for the trimmed trap.

Chorus

(Reprinted from the Man Blog)

Maryam, wife of powerblogger Robert “Scobleizer” Scoble weighs in on why geeks make good partners. Reason number one goes:

He can fix your computer. There I said it. Do you really need another reason? He is not a bum. He has useful skills that can make your life (at least the part that is spent on the computer, and let’s face it, that is where we all spent most of our time any way) run smooth.

Well, that is at least something.

Straight-out endorsements of geeks and nerds as mates are still rare, especially in mainstream culture. It’s tragic but not at all surprising. We’ve got thousands of years of social evolution working against us.

Sociobiology traces cultural phenomena such as the “traditional” female preference for hunky chunks to sheer genetic advantage. Our ancestors needed to hunt their food to survive. Ergo, big-chested males who can hurl stuff well can hunt better, get more food. Naturally, these males tend to have better success in finding mates (for young prehistoric girls, “finding the one” meant “finding the one who can bring a large chunk of caribou back to the cave”), and then sustaining offspring. Offspring, it turns out, who either grow up to be big-chested males or girls who dig big-chested males (or hell, big-chested girls who hurl stuff well - isn’t inheritance fun?). Genetic advantage reigns in cultural preferences, and reinforces them. You’ve got pretty much the whole of literature and media masturbating over muscled males.

So woe indeed for the lanky (or chubby), computer geek or DnD enthusiast. But all is not lost. Cultural preferences may have lagged behind, but they do catch up eventually. Specialization is the name of the game in evolution. It may have made sense to be a good hunter back then, but the repertoire of adaptations that will help a guy throw a spear good, or shoot that ball, or hammer that divot into the ground makes less and less sense in a world where economic success (and thus genetic advantage) is increasingly dependent on processing information. So geeks of the world unite, I guess. We have nothing to lose but our inferiority complexes.