A Pinoy Blog About Nothing

Boycott the Metro Manila Film Fest? Sure, why not. (via Bikoy.net)

Why waste time and money watching a movie in which the leads could’ve been done by any of the interchangeable “hot young stars” and plot holes you can drive an entire calesa into it? If your money is a vote, why settle? Just because they block out the last 2 weeks of December to showcase unoriginal concepts — and to make sure you don’t have any other choice of movies to watch — doesn’t mean you have to watch any of it. Rent a movie. Or better yet, read a book. Or if you really want to piss off Chairman Edu, buy a DVD.

I remember one December when a bunch of us came from a friend’s wedding and we decided to watch that Rizal movie with Cesar Montano. The theaters were packed and there were lines at the till. We decided to catch the a movie with Jomari Yllana and Eddie Garcia in it. (In our barongs no less…) Sure, support Philippine Cinema right? I mean it was the MMFF right? They were supposed to showcase the best of Philippine Cinema right? Wrong.

The movie was awful. I wish we can have one of those sci-fi thingies that can erase memories. That’s 1 hour and 45 minutes of my life I cannot get back. And yes Mr. Torre, I watched Imelda, Crying Ladies and Milan when I was still in Manila. Not all of the Pinoy movies are bad. Just most of the ones on MMFF this year.

How to Tell if it’s a Really Crappy Pinoy Movie:

1. Imelda isn’t in it. (If she is, it would be a comedy. Regardless of how it is billed.)

2. You can tell the entire plot of the movie from the trailer.

3. It involves dancing midgets.

4. It has the numbers 2, 3 and 4 after the title.

5. Bong Revilla is in it. (I’m sorry…the Honorable Bong Revilla is in it).

6. Three words: beach dance number.

7. It involves a hot chick taking a jeepney. It never happens! (At least to me it didn’t.)

8. Prior to the opening date, gossip columns are rife with break-up/pregnancy/homosexual relations/child borne out of wedlock/plastic surgery/sex scandal stories of one or two of the stars involved in the movie. On a good day, all of the stars would be leading degenerate lives. At least in the tabloids.

9. Actor is running for public office.

10. Presidential son/daughter is the star of the movie.

Bonus: Don’t you just hate it when they dub over a sexy starlet’s voice in a movie? Like it matters! Sure people watch her because she has a nice voice in this movie. Like we don’t know her real voice from the gossip tv shows where she defends her boob job with that high-pitched nasal voice of hers. Or from that noontime variety show where she lip-synched (and still forgot the lyrics of the song) and she sounded like a cat scratching a blackboard.