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Mga Headlines Bukas, Ngayon Ang Broadcast

I have friends who, instead of saying hello, send me email messages like these. Give it more time and you’d probably see these on a Manila tabloid or better…on TV Patrol. Give it *some more* time, you’d probably see my friends on a Manila tabloid or on TV Patrol. Maybe I should put these on KI instead

***

Mga Headlines Bukas, Ngayon Ang Broadcast!

* Buntis sinaksak, bata nakailag!!!

* Barko lumubog, di nakatiis lumutang!!!

* Aso nasagasaan, apat na garapata patay!!!

* Tatay nag-amok, mga anak nilamok!!!

* Capt. Hook dumaan sa Quiapo, pinirata!!!

* Palaisdaan, nasunog!!!

* Tahanang Walang Hagdan, inakyat!!!

* Bakla sumali sa away, napasubo!!!

* Bagong tuli nagyabang, lumaki ang ulo!!!

* Unanong madre, napagkamalang penguin!!!

* Bulag nakapatay, nagdilim daw ang paningin!!!

* Iceman nanood ng porno, nag-init!!!

* Tindera ng suka, tinoyo!!!

* Teacher nagkamali, tinuruan ng leksyon!!!

* Lolo naakusahang nang-rape, pero sa korte….biktima ayaw tumayo!!!

* Eroplano nag-crash, lahat ng pasahero namatay sabi ng mga survivor!!!

* Basurero nagsampa ng kaso, binasura!!!

* Dahil may reklamo, eskwelahan ng mga! bingi nag-noise barrage!!!

* Tubero, nagka-tulo!!!

* Lalaki natagpuang pugot ang ulo, inaalam pa kung buhay!!!

* Invisible man, nakita na!!!

* Barbero tumestigo sa krimen, ayaw paniwalaan!!!

* Misis ng photographer, nakunan!!!

* Tindera ng tubig, namatay sa uhaw!!!

* Kaso ng pilay, nilalakad!!!

(CMMMO does not condone the use of triple exclamation points. It is used in this instance to preserve the actual contents of the fwd email.)

9 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. I absolutely agree with your policy on exclamation points. But in cases where more than one exclamation point is desired (for exaggeration, for effect), I stick to three exclamation points, no more, no less. This guarantees consistency.

    The ellipsis is another thing that gets my goat. Never use it unless you’re trying to be silly, or you just suffered a major tragedy.

    One thing I do accept is the combination of question mark and exclamation point. (What?!) This actually has value by being able to express a very distinct emotion or situation. Their positions can be interchangeable, in some cases.

  2. hehe, unrelated. me nahanap akong knor bullion pork. diba yun ang hinahanap mo? sabihin mo lang, padalhan kita. hehe

  3. Kuya di ba sa Channel 7 yung “Mga Headlines Bukas, Ngayon Ang Broadcast”? :D

  4. Akyat Bahay, nahulog sa bubungan!!!

    This is a true headline.

  5. Jesse, you mean like this… hehe I like ?! though. I’d probably have seven children first to hone my patience before I can go back to grading student essays.

    Ibalik nakahanap kami sa isang grocery. Thanks pre! Makakaluto na rin kami ng munggo. Hehe

    Jobert…

    Gelay, ganun ba? Mas exploitative kasi TV Patrol akala ko pati headlines ginagawa na nila. hehe

    Gerald, ayos! Salamat pre!

  6. You forgot “Putol natagpuang patay!!!” and “Mali-mali binugbog, puro tama!!!”

  7. Oops, typo. “Putol na ulo natagpuang patay!!!” There.

  8. haha thanks mic!

    parang yung natagpuan sa Pasig na madaming saksak sa likod at may lubid sa leeg. sabi ng pulis, suicide daw.

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