Just FOB-ulous!

by mcg

It’s been a year since I’ve arrived here in the US. It’s a wonderful experience and an adventure only made more meaningful because I’m sharing it with my best buddy.

But it’s not always fun and sunshine here in the Sunshine State. You sometimes get the occasional local meanie or the ignorant or the arrogant Oreo (brown on the outside white on the inside). I especially hate the term FOB. FOB means Fresh Off the Boat. It’s a demeaning term for anyone who have just arrived in the US. It’s a mean term. Some Pinoys use it sa mga bagong salta, conveniently forgetting they too were once FOB.

Well, I aim to reclaim FOB. For me FOB should be F*cking Obvious Ba? Global economy dudes, global rules. If you haven’t been FOB, you haven’t been anywhere.

A few realizations this past year:

I knew I was in a different country when I realized everyone around me was speaking Spanish.

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Never ask someone from the Philippines, especially someone you’ve just met, that your caucasian cousin married a Filipino named Santos and you were wondering if I know them. It’s like me asking you if you know a John Smith.

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When non-Pinoys remark how Pinoys are so meek and humble, I always love telling them the story of how the .45 magnum pistol was invented.

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Stop asking me about how much do women charge to have sex in the Philippines and I’ll stop asking when the women here will start flashing their boobs for beer.

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I do not live near the Rice Terraces. I do not assume that you live in a trailer park, even if you look like you do.

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No, I have never eaten, tasted or even licked a dog. But you might be a redneck if you thought I did.

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Yes I eat rice. At least I’m not obese.

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You shouldn’t be worried that I’m after your job. You should be worried that the boss will find out you’re lousy at it.

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If just by looking at us, you starrrrt speeeeaking slowwwwly eeeven beforrre youuuu eveeen askkkk usss what weeee waaaanted tooo orderrr, we will leave you a 10 cent tip.

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When asked where I learned to speak English I tell them “From the Street. Sesame Street.”

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Yes we’re shorter than you. Live with it.

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I know you’ve come here to retire, but please don’t do it on the highway.

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Yes sir, I know you were in the Philippines in WW2 — and we’re thankful for that — but we have repaved the roads and that rubble where you saw the horde of Japanese are probably gone by now.

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Mexicans come from Mexico. Cubans are from Cuba. People from the Philippines are not called Philippians.

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Sure I’m not fashionable but at least I’m not drowning in debt.