Tue 7 Jun 2005
Where are you from, originally?
Ever since I came to the U.S., this has got to be, hands-down, the question that people have asked me the most number of times, even more than “Are you Chinese? Japanese? Korean? Filipino?”.
So it greatly amused me when, a few pages into the book, the author, Jane Hyun, shares an anecdote about a Korean American who was asked this same question. June, a professional with over 25 years of experience in financial services and technology, gave a witty reply that I wish I’d thought of myself:
Senior executive: That was some really interesting material you just presented. Where are you from?
June: A northwest suburb of Boston.
Senior Executive: Actually, I meant, where are you really from?
June: How far do you want to go?
Senior Executive: As far back as you’d like!
June: Okay, then, I come from the Garden of Eden.
While the above incident is amusing, the issue of Asian Americans moving up and reaching the top of the career ladder in corporate America is a very serious concern. Serious because, as the book points out, there are very real and very definite cultural differences between Asian Americans and non-Asians, differences that are preventing Asian Americans from “breaking the bamboo ceiling”. Moreover, more often than not these differences are ignored or not acknowledged, and Asian Americans are not aware that they are, as Hyun points out, “operating on an entirely different plane because of their unique cultural lenses”.
I became jolted to this reality a few months back, when one of my supervisors, amazed that I was holding my own quite well when bantering with my (multi-racial) co-workers, blurted out to me: “I thought you were so meek and quiet!”
I, meek and quiet? Ay, really, now! My family and friends, especially my husband, will have a field day with this one. Sure, I’m not usually the loudest or most colorful person in the group. But I speak up when I need to (or sometimes when I just feel like it), I usually don’t think twice about initiating conversations with strangers, and I actively take leadership roles in varied activities. Proper? Usually. Polite? Yes, I’ve been described as such by Filipino acquaintances, as I was brought up to mind my manners and I do try to be very courteous to others. But I’ve also been described, back in the Philippines, as assertive, friendly, and an extrovert. So why did I suddenly get described as “meek and quiet” when I came here?
The answer, my friends, is a combination of cultural influences and perception. In the first chapter of the book, Hyun takes pains to show how certain Asian cultural values such as deference to authority figures, maintenance of interpersonal harmony, self-effacement, and self-control/restraint, affect how Asians (and Asian Americans) communicate and in general carry themselves.
As an example, Hyun points out that “the Asian culture lives closer to the adage ‘The loudest duck gets shot’”, while “Americans tend to live the adage ‘The squeaky wheel gets the oil’”. Hyun goes on to say that “it is not only first-generation immigrants who are saddled with parental influences from the motherland”. Even more acculturated second- or third-generation Asians who are self-proclaimed bananas (Asians on the outside, white on the inside), she says, report that they feel burdened by the cultural influence of their parents and grandparents.
The book is divided into three parts. Part 1, Understanding Asian Cultural Influence and Its Impact, provides an insightful look at Asian cultural influences and behavior in the Western world. For me, this was an eye-opener in the sense that the issues she brought up were things that my husband and I discussed at home and in conversation with friends, but never knew had basis in formal research and studies. This chapter also showed me some behavior that I wasn’t very aware that I was doing, and helped me understand why my non-Asian peers saw me in a different light from my Asian and Filipino friends. This chapter also shatters the “Model Minority” myth - the myth that Asian Americans “have overcome all the barriers to success because of their hard work and hight levels of education” - and shows the reality that they “continue to lag in the American workplace”.
Part 2, Career Choices and Getting in the Door, discusses how cultural influences impact our career choices. In this chapter Hyun encourages the use of assessment tools to find out a person’s natural strengths and interests, independent of those influenced by the family/ethnic community. Here she asserts that one can still be true to one’s Asian-inspired values and principles, yet change some aspect of his/her behavior in order to succeed in the Western corporate setting.
In Part 3, Getting Ahead on the Job, the author outlines very practical steps to navigate corporate America. These include taking a thorough self-assessment and identifying your blind spots and weaknesses, recognizing your bamboo ceiling barriers, choosing an employer that fits your personal values and intersts, and developing cultural competency (”You do not have to compromise your Asian values to succeed”, she emphasizes), among many other useful “key lessons”.
Although this book is primarily written for Asian professionals (whom Hyun notes tend to be mostly Asian Americans, with some expats from Asian countries or recent immigrants), I find this is book to be an enlightening, practical tool in navigating the new culture I find myself in, both at work and socially. The lessons and tips Hyun shares in this book are not only useful in going up the career ladder, but also in opening communication lines with my Asian and non-Asian co-workers and friends.
This book has shown me that the concerns and experiences I’ve had in this country are not so different from those that other Asians (or people of Asian descent) have experienced or are still going through. More than that, I’ve come to appreciate that my behavior or the way it has been perceived is not weird or unusual - just different. Because of this, I’ve become even more comfortable in my own skin, and more confident in the way I carry myself. And now that I’m more aware of the specific differences in cultural values and the way they’re perceived, I’d like to think I’ve also become more compassionate and open-minded in my dealings with both Asian Americans and non-Asians, as I try to help them become more conscious of these realities as well. That, to me, is the best insight this book has given me.
Posted under Navel-Gazing , Reading


June 8th, 2005 at 11:10 am
It seems like you’ve both settled well in those United States. I’m glad. I’m you both have bright American futures ahead of you.
June 8th, 2005 at 3:45 pm
thanks for featuring this book. should be an interesting read.
i love the title! bamboo ceiling as opposed to glass ceiling. tama ba? hahaha
June 8th, 2005 at 6:11 pm
will try to find this book just spent a lot on 4 books about Greek history language and athens
WHERE I AM FROM? i say ORIGINALLY FROM THE PHILS.. it hard to say am from the phils coz i dont really consider her home anymore…
June 8th, 2005 at 7:03 pm
[...] nton and New York Governor George Pataki. If I read that situation correctly and as Petite suggested, she might have felt slighted and felt she lost face (napahiya). Can’t blame her f [...]
June 9th, 2005 at 7:38 pm
I think, by and large, Asians are timid and shy when in a new environment. They do adapt well in time. But most will remain within the introvert range though. Maybe because there is some self-consciousness with foreign language or something.
I know I was shy (really, I was. Peksman) when I first arrived here in the U.S. Aside from culture shock, I was intimidated because I was a foreign student in an American University. I thought, “Naku po. Eh sa pinas hirap akong mah ingles, dito pa kaya”, immediately followed by “kamot sa ulo”, syempre.
Ay ano ba ito, ang haba na ng post ko. ‘Sensya na. Nakikigulo lang. Post ulit ako pag hindi na ako gutom.
June 10th, 2005 at 3:29 am
Hmmm… kinda tangently related but I remember one time while we were living in Australia, my older brother started work in a McDonald’s branch. While there, an Aussie asked him, “Your English is good. Where did you learn to speak English?”
My brother replied, “Watching television.”
Heh, that always cracked me up. Sesame Street, I thank you.
June 11th, 2005 at 1:32 am
i was looking for the book at the community center library this afternoon, out eh…might as well buy it…or do what i do best - read it from the bookstore for several days…hehehe
June 12th, 2005 at 12:05 pm
jesse: thanks for the kind words, sir.
i don’t think we’ve already “settled” yet though, because we seem to still be in a transition phase. but at least we’ve made inroads in adjusting to the new culture and also made many new friends who are helping us make the transition smoother. it’s really easier if you have “guides” - family, friends, books, internet sites - that give you tips and insights in navigating a whole new system/culture/way of life, and we’re very appreciative of that. i hope you and katinka will have a similar experience when you move to new zealand.
AnP: you’re exactly correct!
yup, i think you’d find this book interesting too. although it’s primary focus is asian americans, i think many of the topics it tackles are universally true in situations where an asian background meets the western mode of thinking/operating, such as in many places in europe.
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here’s part of the blurb from the front cover jacket:
“You’re educated and ambitious. Sure, the hours are long and corporate politics are a bane, but you focus on getting the job done, confident that you will be rewarded in the long run. Yet, somehow, your hard work isn’t paying off, and you watch from the sidelines as your colleagues get promoted. Those who progress to management positions in this intensely competitive corporate environment seem to understand an unwritten code for marketing and aligning themselves politically. Furthermore, your strong work ethic and raw intelligence were sufficient when you started at the firm, but now they’re expecting you to be a rainmaker who can “bring in clients” and “exert influence” on others. The top fo the career ladder seems beyond your reach. Perhaps you’ve hit the bamboo ceiling.”
sha: i guess because of all your travels you have become a “citizen of the world”, my dear.

btw, ‘day sha, i’m currently reading daughter of fortune, and per your recommendation, i bought a copy of don vivo and the coca lord yesterday. i will share my thoughts on these two books in future posts. thanks for introducing me to louis de bernieres!
June 12th, 2005 at 12:30 pm
john: from reading your blog, and especially after seeing that poster/artwork you posted during your last birthday (i think that was the first time i wrote a comment too, sobra akong aliw), it’s hard to believe you were ever shy. pero sige, i’ll take your word for it.
yup, i agree that part of our initial shyness comes from self-consciousness about language, and our difficulty articulating our thoughts in spoken english. and even when we could, sometimes it takes a while to translate things from our dialect to english, and then speak it out aloud. kumbaga mey “lag time” between the time we think of a reply to the time we actually say something. nangyari na ba sa yo to? sa akin maraming beses, especially in the first few months. i guess with time it does get better, doesn’t it?
banzai cat: yup, our generation certainly has a lot to thank sesame street for.
now that you mention it, “where did you learn to speak such good english?” is the 3rd most-asked question in my list thus far.
junnie: pareho tayo ng bisyo! i must have read the same number of books in powerbooks megamall “for free” as what i actually bought. pero sinisita ako ni mark, so i don’t do that very often anymore these days. but i still sometimes do a “test read” before i buy books at the bookshop, hanggang ngayon. but if you buy a copy of this book for your personal library, i think it’s going to be worth it.
June 13th, 2005 at 8:57 pm
When I’m asked the same question, “where are you from?”…sometimes I’m confused on what to say, do I answer “from Southwest DC” or “from the Philippines…haha
This is my second year here in the U.S. so you can just imagine how still naive I am with the slang that my students (100% Afro-American) use in their everyday language. Hay! And my co-teachers would yell at me (di sila galit nyan ha) “Ms. Angala, in order to survive in an inner-city school, you have to be a b*tch!”. Shocked ako!
Anyway, link din kita ha, day, naka-link ako dito. Also because I really like your entries, one week nalang bakasyon na kami. Basahin ko mga entries mo ha?
June 14th, 2005 at 10:16 am
Hi petite!
This sounds like good reading.
I’m working for an American company that recently (just a few years ago) transferred some divisions offshore. This required a mindshift, for many of us, Asians and Americans, Euros alike. Sometimes it’s an uncomfortable fit, so many times there have been unsavory stituations, though some are downright hilarious. Humor helps.
It’s been quite an eye opener for me.
I always get that “meek and quiet” rep. And truth to say I’ve used it to my advantage. The zen looking Asian girl can home in a concept, KaBlaaam! Knocks their socks off, haha!
June 15th, 2005 at 9:35 pm
I got the “meek and quiet” rep because I deserved it. I finally broke the ice by making a joke about cockroaches and racism. I don’t remember how it went, but my boss and coworker thought it was hilarious (I was just being sarcastic and said it under my breath!). After that I was just a snot-nosed kid who didn’t know when I should have shut up.
June 18th, 2005 at 12:34 am
Teacher Sol: It must be quite tough to be teaching in an inner-city school! I admire your decision to do so, and also the fact that you seem to be doing quite well at it (and enjoying yourself in the process), language challenges notwithstanding.
Truth is, I admire the fact that you founded a school when you were only 23…that’s actually one of my (many) dreams…to start a school or an educational foundation…and you’ve already done it!
I’ve been reading your blog regularly since I came upon it and I enjoy reading your entires, that’s why I linked you from my blog. So please feel free to link back and read my entries as you wish. I find it great to be able to swap stories and life lessons with “fellow adventurers” like you.
Have a fun and relaxing vacation!
June 18th, 2005 at 12:52 am
thebee: Yes, indeed, humor helps a lot, especially in diffusing tension during “misunderstandings” or “miscommunications”. I’ve also found it helpful to “overcommunicate” at times, you know, explaining the reason/background for a certain behavior or practice that we usually take for granted, such as how we often use “have you eaten?” as a greeting, or bow our head slightly while extending one arm in front and bending our body forward somewhat, in lieu of saying “excuse me” when passing between people having a conversation. Stuff like that.
How was your trip to KY? Kwento ka ha! I’ll be visiting your blog for more of your poetry and vignettes.
June 18th, 2005 at 1:14 am
Phisch: Good thing you spoke up when you did!
Was it a relief for you to be rid of the “meek and quiet” label? In my case it was such a big relief!
March 16th, 2006 at 2:48 am
hi, petitochips!
i think i’d like to read this book too. i moved to singapore six months ago and never in my life have i thought more about cultural differences than i do now. there’s all kinds of races around me now — and inside me too. being here has made me realize how most of my references are american, my habits and humour (UK spelling here!) are pinoy and my face and roots are chinese. i’m a walking halo-halo. 
March 19th, 2006 at 2:00 am
hi, becky! a walking halo-halo - that is such a colorful, witty and fitting metaphor for you in particular and for many of us pinoys in general! winner ka talaga!
what have you been doing in singapore these past six months? i heard from mark that you were offered a job in publishing there - tama ba? how was your adjustment period? would love to hear details and kwento from you!